


An Apology Owed

by musikurt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-25
Updated: 2012-02-25
Packaged: 2017-11-03 06:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/378093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikurt/pseuds/musikurt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marcus reflects on how he treated one of his housemates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Apology Owed

_There's no room on the Slytherin Quidditch team for a bloody poof! We're not_ that _into broomsticks..._

During his years spent living in the Muggle world, Marcus had managed to almost forget all about Merrill Harper. It wasn't that he still harboured the same sentiments about him that he had displayed in the past. The fact of the matter was that Marcus was a prat to pretty much everyone while he was in school and so no one person really stood out among the rest. He felt some guilt and regret about many of the things he had done in his youth, but he certainly had not kept a detailed inventory. He had figured most everyone had moved on as they grew up - he knew he certainly had. There were many reasons he could have held grudges himself, but he did not much see the point in focusing all of his energy on negative things anymore.

When Harper first showed back up on the outside of his social circle after he moved into Diagon Alley, Marcus did not even remember everything that happened at first. But the snide comments often directed toward Marcus and his place of business, seemingly uncalled for, caused him pause. He knew he hadn't been the nicest person to Harper, but they were only in school together for two years. And as far as Marcus recalled, he wasn't the only one who engaged in the occasional ribbing of Harper. There was also the fact that eight years seemed like a long time to hold a grudge. Marcus could not help but wonder if there was something more to Harper's attitude.

_Oh, look, it's 'Mary, Mary, quite contrary' come to try out for Quidditch. Do get on with it, m'lady, I've got some real tryouts to get through today._

Merry had tried out for Quidditch in his second year. Marcus was surprised to see him show up to the pitch because he didn't expect he would have an interest in any sort of athletic pursuits. And he certainly was not very good on his broom. Most second years weren't, but Marcus couldn't resist the opportunity to point out just how ridiculous the young man's attempt really was. Looking back on it now, he wondered if maybe he was more cruel than he thought he was. But Merry seemed to dust himself off and go about as normal, so Marcus hadn't worried that he may have crossed a line.

Of course, Marcus did not put Merry on the team. He figured that even Merry should not have been surprised by that decision. There were a number of students that weren't given slots, so it was nothing personal on the part of Marcus - though he could see now that it may have seemed that way due to his running commentary during the tryout.

_Merry Harper, ever the Quidditch enthusiast, no? Really love riding those broomsticks, eh, Merry? I might remind you, though, that proper technique doesn't involve actually putting it in your arse, you little queer bent fairy..._

Marcus was naive enough to assume there were no hard feelings following the Quidditch tryouts. Merry seemed enthusiastic to cheer on the house team and even regularly joined some of the other Slytherins who came down to the pitch to observe team practices. If Merry had truly hated Marcus and his experience, Marcus assumed he would have just stayed away.

Though Marcus had always teased Merry because he seemed like one who might be interested in blokes, it was always just teasing in his eyes. He actually didn't even think Merry was actually gay and had honestly not even considered the thought too seriously. It just seemed like an easy thing to target and everyone else always appeared to find it amusing.

_'Marc...that's not a cool thing to say.'_

_'Oh, come on, I'm just teasing. He doesn't seem too bothered by it. And it's not like he's an actual poofter or anything.'_

_'Um...Marc, are you sure about that?'_

Marcus wasn't sure how to react when he realized that Merry was gay. Those times when he thought Merry was flirting with other male students might have been real flirting, and not just a joke. He had thought Merry was teasing other people along the same lines Marcus had always teased him (which had allowed Marcus to rationalize that there was nothing wrong with what he had said to Merry). Suddenly, everything was different.

Then Marcus had a startling thought. Merry came and tried out for Quidditch even though he was terrible at it. He put up with the taunts from Marcus with no real objection. Merry was an enthusiastic cheerleader for the team and frequented practice sessions. It suddenly made sense, but the conclusion left Marcus disgusted.

_You think I haven't figured you out, Merrill? You might think your little puppy dog crush is adorable, but this broomstick is 'ladies only'. How about you stop obsessing over me because it's never going to happen. Just the thought of it is so bloody disgusting I get ill every time I look at you. That's right - you make me sick. So from now on, how about you just stay the fuck away from me, okay?_

Maybe the time Marcus flew off the handle was the moment he truly regretted. He had come across Merry in the corridor and was not having a great day. He was still convinced Merry had a crush on him and it made him extremely uncomfortable. The smile Merry flashed him as he passed was enough to set him off. He said some incredibly unkind things, though he didn't think the went too far beyond what he had been saying all year. There was one difference, though - there was no longer a playfulness to his voice. As he walked away, even he knew there was a venom in his tone that he wasn't quite certain he intended.

The two steered clear of each other for the rest of the year. Marcus knew he had crossed a line, but he had never apologized for anything and wasn't about to start. Most people had a way of getting over things and slowly they would forget about the harsh words and actions that they shared. He figured this situation with Merry would work the same way.

The year ended and the two had not spoken since the day of Marcus's verbal attack. Marcus had put it out of his mind - he was about to embark on what he knew was going to be an amazing Quidditch career. Everything from school would just be a distant memory and he was closing the door on that chapter of his life. It did not occur to him that he would someday need to answer for the things that happened at Hogwarts.

_I was a prat. I look back on my attitude, at the things I said and did, and I wonder how that was ever me. It just seemed to work for me at the time, and that's no excuse. But I'm terrible at apologizing. I never know what to say. And I often feel like I just say things that make it worse._

Many things had changed in Marcus's life since his days at school. His Quidditch career was surprisingly short-lived. He quickly learned that the attitude that seemed to serve him well on the Slytherin house team was not going to fly in the professional realm. After two rocky years, he was dismissed from the team.

In an attempt to escape the scandal, Marcus had moved into the Muggle world. In Muggle London, he did not have to worry about people recognizing him and judging him based on the things Rita Skeeter wrote in the Prophet. He didn't have to fight his reputation anytime he sought employment or met new people. Not only did he find this freedom refreshing, it was also quite liberating. He was free to try new things, explore new career prospect, and learn new information about himself.

After taking a job in a club that catered to gay Londoners, Marcus found himself trying new things that he had not imagined he ever would. This spirit of experimentation led him to the realization that he harboured an attraction to men that he had apparently repressed through most of his life. He was surprised to find that he quickly came to believe he was attracted to men more than he was women.

Upon his return to the wizarding world full time, Marcus did not exactly hide his new-found disposition. He reconnected with Terence Higgs, a friend whom he had also wronged during their school days, and their friendship quickly escalated. Terence was the first to get a full apology from Marcus for the way he acted during their time at Hogwarts. Marcus was encouraged by Terence's response, especially as he knows he's not good at apologizing. He has no real practice because never really felt the need to do so.

Marcus found himself unsure how to approach his present situation with Merry. He got a distinct vibe of hostility from him that he didn't think he could break through. Part of him wanted to just ignore it, but their mutual friends had started to make that difficult. It was tough for him to see some of his closest friends spending time with Merry and not really seeming to react to the constant digs and insults being tossed his direction. He understood the exercising of their right to not get caught between two friends, but that didn't make it sting any less.

_Is that what this is all about? Ancient history?_

While several years had gone by, Marcus realize he couldn't blame Merry for his attitude. He had a right to dislike Marcus. He had a right to feel strong emotions whenever he looked at him. Marcus had not been kind to Merry when they were at school. He had been dismissive of him and had routinely belittled him for being himself. He had made assumptions about Merry's interest in him and had not reacted well in response.

As a leader within the house, Marcus had more sway over the other students than he sometimes realized. No doubt his opinions carried over to some of their housemates. While he couldn't consider himself personally responsible for the actions of others, he wouldn't be surprised to find that Merry had to deal with bullying and name calling from other Slytherins who were following what they saw as a lead from Marcus.

And after having faded out of existence for a few years, Marcus had come sauntering back like nothing had happened. He immediately fell back in with his circle of friends and many of them seemed to dote on him and his new club. But what he thought might be the real zinger for Merry is now Marcus was dating and living with Terence. This same person who had bullied and ridiculed him for a perceived interest in men was now involved in a serious gay relationship himself. Marcus did not feel that Merry was necessarily entitled to a detailed explanation of his life, but he could clearly see several reasons why Merry did not care much for him right now.

_Still ill, Merry? When you're feeling better I'm wondering if we could get together for a chat. Public place of course._

After going back and forth for days in his head, Marcus decided that he needed to try to apologize to Merry. Maybe it wouldn't make a difference - especially considering that he was terrible at apologies - but it was the least he owed his former housemate. He had no disillusions that the two might become fast friends or anything, but he hoped they could at least get to a place where every word they exchanged was no longer laced with vitriol.

Marcus wasn't sure what he was going to say. He found that if he thought too much about these sorts of things, he would get so anxious that everything would come out wrong. The truth seemed like the easiest thing to go with, but he wasn't sure if simply saying "I was a prat and an immature git in my youth; it doesn't take away any of the things I did, but I realize it now and I'm sorry" was good enough. He honestly had no other substantial explanation, but he knew that sort of apology wouldn't undo or ease years of pain and emotion.

He took a deep breath. He would just say what came to his mind. He would speak from the heart and hope it was good enough. At this point, there was nothing more he could do.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the backstories of Marcus Flint & Merill Harper at the [Pottertweets](http://pottertweets.livejournal.com/) rp game.


End file.
